2 Less Bags!!

Well today marks a new day in moving forward in mommyhood. I came to work with two less bags today, very odd, I almost felt kind of naked! I am down to only one milk session a day. Well I have been for a few weeks now, but I have finally gotten the time moved around to the evening so I don't have to do it at work any more. It was quite weird coming to work with only my purse and lunch bag. No longer will I have to take the pump bag and my little cooler everywhere I go. It is kind of a sad and happy feeling all at once. I really could just stop probably with out being uncomfortable, but part of me feels guilty for not being a provider for my little one anymore... It is not necessarily the "bond" I am going to miss (we have been doing strictly bottles for close to a month now, due to Teagans biting habbits–sans our sleepover at Andi and Michaels house Saturday night when I had no other choice). But I think it is just that I am/was perfectly capable of continuing this tradition until she was one; but because of my selfishness, and wanting to be free of a pump, and able to eat and drink what and when and how much i please whenever i want is right at my fingertips; it was too hard to resist and just quit. 6 months was my goal, and Teagan is getting close to 8 at the end of the month. I have probably close to 30 bags of frozen milk that I can use for the next month or so (have been doing 2 bottles breast milk and 2 bottles formula every day for the past week and a half). So i will probably do the combo, gradually going to one frozen a day.

Now i know there are several tradeoffs. Yes, I will be getting my freedom back (well as much as you can get back with a 7.5 month old and a dog), and not have to lug around an extra bag and cooler every where i go, and get to drink when and how much or now little i want. But there is a price to pay.... I am fortunate enough to have family that can get me some discount formula but it is still much more expensive than providing it myself. I am not too concerned about the health part of it. My pediatrician said that after 6 months it doesnt make nearly the amount of difference as when they are young (yes, she did emphasize that nothing is better for a baby than natures finest), but I was doing no harm in giving up. She even said it didnt make a difference to go to generic at this point. I am still hesitant, again the guilt has taken over.

Why do I feel so guilty, I dont know. I do feel like I have given up, and I hate giving up. But I figure (not that i am going to jinks myself) but if we want to have another kid, which we both do, i would like to have my body back (and physically back would be REALLY nice, but that isnt going to happen EVER), all to myself before I start cooking another baby in my deflated looking belly.

Now don't get excited people, that is not happening anytime soon. Since I had a c-section, the doc says if i want to try to have a vaginal birth next time there has to be at least 18 months between births. Not sure if I do want to try, but i would like to have that as an option possibly. Plus, I would like to have the remaining summer with good times (houseboat trip) and not being the designated driver 90% of the time.

Okay, i feel better. Just wait till I post again, i am sure that will be sometime within the week, on storing away the pump and everything that goes with it. I will be sad to see it go, but then again, not really! Sorry if this was too much info for some of you, but i had to get it off my chest.